[sv]informative]cosmic spacehead guide

So, you want to get to Earth, but you're stranded in your home town with nought but your Birth Certificate to your name. What do you do? Well, this...

[planet]linoleum

Start at the very beginning...

Start by picking up the LinoTown Telekey and the Coin. Then head left to Cape Carnival through a platform bit. You can't kill anything in these platformy bits, so don't try. Once at the Cape, use your 1 Lino Dollar in the Luk-E-Day machine. Bingo! 50 bucks. There's also a password here, ignore it till later. Instead, go and talk to the attendant, over to your left. You receive a Helium Balloon. Go back to Old Lino Town and use the Door there. Talk to the Enquiries Office, and you will receive some letter-writing materials. Cosmic will write a letter without and further help on your part. Use it in the mailbox. There are many other things you can do here... most are unnecessary until later, but do them now anyway to save time. Talk to the Lost Property Office and you receive a Jokebook. This is absolutely useless in the course of the game but hey, it's free. Use money in the vending machine for some gunpowder, and use some more in the photobooth to get some photos taken. Armed with your photos, go back to the Enquiries Office. You receive a passport. That's about all you can do in the Post Office for the moment, so exit by using the door.

Ticket to ride...

Once outside, you can use the Exit. After another platformy bit, you should be at the Border. Talk to the Passport Official and get the Password (Y9Z3 TEEE DEWI LBIA MS6Z). Head right, to another platformy bit. There's a short cut here though... From your starting point, jump onto the lower branch of the first tree, then onto the higher branch (looks like a white circle) from there, jump to where the Cosmic Candy is. You land on an invisible platform. Jump straight up onto another invisible platform, then then jump to the right. The invisible platform you land on goes about halfway through the, er, bit. Anyway. Once you've got through the platformy bit, pick up the Icing Sugar. Why? Why not? You'll see later. Anyway, get the icing sugar and head back to Old Lino Town. Once there, exit stage right to yet another platformy bit. You eventually wind up at the wilderness. To get rid of the Scary Monster, just give him your Helium Balloon and he floats off. (!) Go right, into another platformy bit, to the Nearly Freezing Pool. Freeze said pool with some icing sugar. Another platformy bit to your right gets you to Dodgey City, where you should pick up the Telekey and the Password (YGK3 TEEA UDWI LQIY MSTO) then head back to Lino Town. There, use your Dodgey City Telekey in the teleport machine to Teleport there. Pick up the bath plug, then teleport back to Lino Town (use Lino Town Telekey in Teleport Machine). Go to Cape Carnival, use some money in the Luk.E.Day again. Keep going until you win. Then head to the River Bank and use the plug in the bathtub. A brief sail later you're at the Dodgey river bank. Pick up the surf board, head right, through another platformy bit. You wind up back at Dodgey City, on the cliffs. Here a guy named Shady Lionel is willing to sell you Larry Flint's driving license for 50 linodollars. Head back to Cape Carnival and talk to the attendant again. You will be let into the race now. To win, do 3 laps before the time limit runs out. OK, so you have a ticket outta here. How do you get there?

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride....

Well, go to the border. Then head through another platformy bit to Formica. Once there, pick up the Formica Telekey, then Teleport to Lino Town (or Dodgey City, it doesn't matter). Once you've got wherever you're going, teleport back to Formica. Teleporting to Formica gives you 2 Cosmic's. Immediately you regain control, Use the Button with one of the Cosmics, switch Cosmics (button A). Run Cosmic II off to the left and use the other button there. Switch back and run the first Cosmic through the gate. Then run both Cosmics to the left edge of screen to continue in to a rather hard platformy bit. You eventually arrive at the Cosmic Coast. Use the surfboard in the Water. Surf across another platformy bit to Foreign Soil, where there's a fusewire you can grab. You won't be able to go any further without a visa. Or maybe an escape route. Go back to Formica, teleport to Old Lino Town. Teleport, don't just walk. Now go to the Post office, talk to Enquiries. Look at the letter and follow the instructions. There's a secret tunnel! And, it goes to Linograd. But first, you need to get through this extremely difficult platformy bit. The sequence of safe plaforms goes... bottom, top, top, bottom, bottom, bottom, all the way up the ladder.

I'm not coming back here no, anymore...

Once at Linograd, you find another problem... A wall blocks your way. So, head left, through another platformy bit, to the Caves, where you can pick up a match, and another password (DGCL JEE6 WWWI LS8V M76I). Then go back to Cape Canaveral through your tunnel. Now you can pick up the password (DGCL JEE6 WWWI LS8V MS9J). Now go back to the Post Office, where you can now pick up the targeting device. Hightail it back to Linograd, use the targeting device, gunpowder, and fusewire on the missile. Now use the match on the fusewire and stand back! Now head right to yet another platformy bit. You arrive at part one of the No Man's Causeway. Pick up the Linograd Telekey. Head back to Cape Carnival, do the Luk.E.Day thing again until you win 50 more bucks. Now go to Lino Town and teleport to Linograd. Head out to the No Man's causeway and you can now jump over that pool of water. The Causeway itself is represented by (you guessed it) a platformy bit. Get through and you'll arrive at the other end of the Causeway. Pick up the Linoville Telekey and the Password (XSHF JEE6 WW8I LSW8 M7TR). Head right to Linoville. See the large arrow pointing to the door? You need to get there - that door leads to a camera shop. And, if you remember the plot, you want some snaps of Earth. So. Teleport anywhere else, apart from Linograd, then back to Linoville. This gives you the ability to Warp anywhere in Linoville. At the moment, you need to Use the Door, this will warp you to the camera shop. Talk to the assistant to buy a camera and film for 50 Linodollars. Use the door again and head right. One final platformy bit leads you to the bus stop.

The bus takes you to Detroitica, one-way of course. Which leaves you with a problem... how to get off this godforsaken rock? Of course, as you'll learn on the way, that's the least of your problems...

[planet]detroitica

You say you want a revolution...

Detroitica is far smaller and a bit easier than Linoleum. Infact, there are only 3 platformy bits in which you can die on this planet. (I'll mark them with stars, ***like this***.)

The first thing to do when you arrive at Detrotica is nick the bus stop sign. (Pick it up.) Then head right, through ***Detroitica's first platformy bit***, to the factory Reception. Ignore the password for now. Head right. Here's the first platformy bit that you can't die on. If you get hit, you just get sent back to reception. The point is to get the machines turned off. To do this, dodge the first four machines, pick up the key you see, and get hit by the fifth. Back at reception, use the computer key in the computer. You have to get the code right to turn off the machines. If you don't get it after three tries, the system boots you out. Don't panic, just use the computer again. Keep going till you get it. THEN pick up the password (MRHF 9EE6 WWLI LRW8 IMIB). Now run right, through the now harmless machinery. You arrive at the workshop. Take some time out to listen to the music, then run straight through it to the right. You will now meet up with the giant, car compacting gorilla! You can get past him, but let's turn him off, just to be on the safe side. To do this, let him hit you. Three times. Then he will crunch you up and throw you into the scrapyard. Now use your metal bar in the car wreck. You receive a fire extinguisher for your troubles. Run to the left, then through ***another platformy bit*** (easy one, mind), to arrive back at reception. Get back to the workshop and use your fire extinguisher in the power generator. This turns off all the robots' power. Run right, past the now inert gorilla, to the Staff Room. Pick up the password (MRHF 9FES WWLA LRW8 TM6Q) and use the button. This releases the staff from the board room. One of them is so thankful to you, he gives you his car keys! (aka your ticket to Earth) All that remains is an ***excruciatingly difficult platformy bit*** through the planet's power grid. Get past that and you hop into the car on your way to Earth!

On your way... you're meant to dodge the asteroids in the little interactive bit... but I've found, the longer you dodge, the longer the bit goes on... if you actually want to get on with the game you must (and here comes the fun bit) slam into as many asteroids as you can! Anyway, when you get hit enough (dodging or not) the car runs out of juice "dodging" the asteroids, so you land at...

[space]station

Show me the way to go home...

Ok. This is the shortest, hardest, and more importantly last bit of the game. So I'm going to enlist the help of some visual aids...

the map

As you can see, the station consists of a gas station, and a hub leading to six rooms. The way to these rooms is by using the strangely-titled doors, which each lead through (of course) more platformy bits. And difficult ones too. So, the first thing to do (after you've picked up the password (MRHF ZFES WWLG LRWF TDOY) is go to the hub and get through all six platformy bits, returning to the Hub after each one. Come back and see me when you've done all that. (waits a while) Hmm... la de da de da... hmm hmm hmm... right. You've done it? That was quick. Anyway. The six rooms...

Room 1

OK. The first thing to do is get the anti-gravity slide (AGS for short) from room 4. Now go to room 2. Go to the point marked A on the map, and use the AGS. Now pick up the trampoline, go back down and pick up the AGS. Use the trampoline at the point marked B at room 5. Pick up the bridge, go back down, and pick up the trampoline. Now go to room 6. Use the AGS at point C, the bridge at point D, and the trampoline at point E. Pick up the blowpipe, and collect all your other belongings on the way back to the exit. Now go to room 3. Use the bridge at point F, the trampoline at point G, the AGS at point H and the blowpipe at point I. Now pick up your AGS and trampoline, go over to the right and pick up the box, THEN come back left, get your bridge and exit. Now the final room... room 1. Once there, use your AGS at point J, the trampoline at K and the bridge at L. Now run over to the left, where the 10 Space Bucks is. Use your Money Box. The Space Bucks, stupid as it is, will run straight into it. Now you can pay for your gas... pick up the box, go back to the Hub and use the Gravity Trampoline. Once back at the gas station, all you have to do is use the gas pump, and that's it, you've completed Cosmic Spacehead!!!

For those of you who can't see the maps...

Point A is in room 2, at the far left, just under the gap in the upper platform.
Point B is in room 5, just under the platform with the bridge on it.
Point C is in room 6, to the right, just to the right of the three steps leading to the upper platform.
Point D is also in room 6, on the left edge of the upper platform the three steps led up to.
Point E is also in room 6, on the bottom step after you've used the bridge at D.
Points F,G,H, and I are in room 3:
F is on the top step in the really big staircase on your left.
G is on the top step of the series of 3 steps to the right.
H is on the tiny platform down after the two steps you go up after using the trampoline at G.
I is on the platform you arrive at by going to the right, up the AGS at H.
Points J, K, and L are in room 1.
J is the point just before the platform to the right of the big number 1.
K is on the platform you get on by using the AGS at J.
L is at the left edge of the platform you arrive at by using the trampoline at K.